Toxic Positivity: When Optimism Becomes a Problem

⚜Today we are surrounded by a culture of positive thinking. Literally at every step, in popular self-development books or video bloggers, there are calls like: "Smile, no matter what!" or "Always think positively", "Think only about the good".

⚜Although the desire to maintain optimism in life is important, sometimes it takes exaggerated forms, turning into so-called toxic positivity.

What is it and why is it harmful?

❗What is toxic positivity?

⚜Toxic positivity is an excessive emphasis on positive thinking, which excludes the possibility of recognizing negative emotions.

⚜It manifests itself in the desire to ignore or devalue difficult feelings, problems or suffering, replacing them with superficial optimism.

📌Example: You share your pain with a friend, and they respond: "Don't be sad, everything will be fine."

⚜This statement may seem encouraging, but in reality, it closes the space for an honest discussion of your emotions.

❗Why is toxic positivity dangerous?

1. Suppression of emotions

⚜When a person is forced to hide their negative experiences, this can lead to internal tension and even deterioration of mental health.

⚜Emotions that are not given an outlet accumulate and can develop into chronic stress, anxiety, or depression.

2. Devaluation of experience

⚜Phrases like "You're being too dramatic" or "Others have worse problems" deprive a person of the right to their own feelings, making them feel misunderstood or isolated.

3. Decreased trust

⚜If people around you constantly impose a positive outlook, ignoring real difficulties, a person may stop sharing their experiences, withdrawing into themselves.

4. Unrealistic expectations

⚜A constant emphasis on the positive creates the illusion that happiness is the only correct state, and any sadness or anger is a mistake. This creates pressure and a sense of guilt for experiencing "negative" emotions.

How to recognize toxic positivity and what to do about it?

❗Toxic positivity often manifests itself in habitual attitudes:

⚜"Think about the good!" — instead of recognizing that sometimes a person just needs to live through pain.

⚜"Others have much more serious problems." — an attempt to compare other people's suffering and devalue your own.

⚜"You're being too dramatic." — a reproach that makes you feel ashamed of your feelings.

If you notice that such phrases are heard in your environment or in your own speech, this is a reason to think.

⭐How to deal with toxic positivity?

❗If toxic positivity is imposed on you:

⚜Acknowledge your emotions.

Allow yourself to experience sadness, anger, or disappointment — these are natural reactions to difficulties.

⚜Set boundaries.

If someone invalidates your feelings, gently say:

"It's important for me to just talk right now, and not look for positivity."

Turn to those who are ready to support you.

⚜Seek communication with people who know how to listen without advice and judgment.

⚠If you yourself are prone to toxic positivity:

⚜Acknowledge the diversity of emotions.

Recognize that experiencing negative feelings does not make you or others weaker.

⚜Learn to listen.

Instead of advice like "Think about the good," try asking: "What are you feeling right now? How can I help?"

⚜Revise your beliefs.

Positive thinking is useful, but it should not become a universal answer to all life's difficulties.

ANASTASIIA SLEPTSOVA - PSYCHOTERAPIST

FDT CONSULTING ASSOCIATION